The good times have left like a train from the station and now the creative melancholy will fill it's slot. I should be grateful. Lets have a look see inside the grotto shall we?

Winter is coming for my heart, I need someone to huddle with for warmth.

Manic

"It really pisses me off when people try to finish--"
"Other people's sentences? Yeah, me too."

Mike's response to Ryan only amused him, being that he knew Ryan truly did hate that and was merely jesting. Mike and Ryan were Twins and not only did they look just like each other, they had the same likes and dislikes. However, Ryan was much more passive, whereas Mike always seemed a bit off in the way he dealt with everyday situations. When Ryan walks down the street, he does so like you or I would. However when Mike does, Everyone is watching him and thinking about him and talking about him and plotting against him. Well, not really. But it is as real as could be to him. Mike is Violent when Ryan is slow to react but quick to act. Mike Hates. Ryan Loves. In his better times Mike simply just doesn't give a fuck and is more passive than you can imagine, He could watch his Family die in a car accident and not bat an eye.

The only person Mike gave a fuck about was Ryan. He didn't even care about himself most of the time, acting as a self saboteur generally. Slowly Ryan found himself doing things he wouldn't normally do or being told he couldn't be told apart from his twin anymore. Ryan rationalized by saying he wasn't becoming more like Mike, but just different than he had been. Everyone Changes, don't they? Yes, they do in fact. But the object is to change into something you can be proud of. Ryan was no longer sleeping, he and mike would go out at night and setting off car alarms and steal from Walmart. They would do drugs and offer to go and pick up their friends drugs just for the fun of it. Ryan's grades began slipping and he was now a smoking, drinking, freaked out human being. Mike already was that, and was quite good at it. They would often blow off their friends to get high or only hang out with friends who did get high. They were having a good time destroying everything insight, including themselves.

One day, Ryan and Mike were Sitting on a bench at a train station. Waiting. Not for a train, just waiting. Ryan turned to Mike and looked at him for a long time.
"Why do we do this to ourselves and everyone around us? Everyone fears for us so badly."
Mike got up from the bench and watched a train coming their way as he stood completely still, pondering the right words. He approached the tracks slowly, timing his approach carefully. Ryan assumed that Mike was simply Going to play chicken with the train like he had done so before many times.
"Because. Nothing matters."
The train splattered Mike's Body parts and fluids in a twenty foot diameter, sprinkling slightly onto Ryan's winter coat. Ryan just sat there. Waiting.

chilled like a child

emptiness. from a lack of outer input.
loneliness. behind a glass wall.
distance. close enough to scream at you.
cancer. killing me slowly inside.

frigid.
heavy.
my thermostat and barometer reading.

Right now
I think of times I was sick and my mother took care of me


Eating a large bowl of hot soup has some sort of satisfaction that you cannot put your finger on
It fills you with warmth, satisfaction, and nourishment
You never feel like you've just eaten too much, it doesn't overwhelm.
Despite how I should feel, I feel comforted right now


Russian marching music
I like listening to this
I dont know what theyre singing about
But it doesn't matter
They're goddamned proud of whatever it is

Disgust

You're a tiger with no claws
A python with no jaws
You're a man with no brain
While I'm just a man going insane
I think of murder everyday
Another day another way
To take a life
With my hands or a knife
Poison or hammer
Now my bloods flowing, I no longer stammer
Thinking of your death excites me
Ignites me
It is a drug
I choose to choke
Rather than to hug

i heard you knew the name of a king
you gave him your life
you gave him everything
i heard you find comfort in his word
you are a wasted mind
you are a flightless bird