something horrifically vulgar

i find it so hard to care.
apathy.
it is a fucking disease.
and it comes in waves, sometimes strong
sometimes i can fight it
but i dont even give a shit most of the time
i only feel near to anything when someone pisses me off
the old cunt walking in front of me at the grocers
taking her fucking time while taking up the entire aisle
god damnit.
pulling up to a red light next to a cop.
those fucking pigs.
nothing but a bunch of grown up bullies.
whatever.
i have spent my life under the radar
under the machines and systems that are in place
for our protection, for our convenience, for our entertainment.
but this keyboard in front of me is the reason for my disease.
this machine opens up the flood gates
and drowns me with shallow nothings
i cannot concentrate like i used to
i cannot read like i used to
i cannot truly see things like i used to
whatever.
why should i care.