my paradigm is shifting once more

my mind has always been longing and aching for something else
whether it is a body that used to be able to keep up with the sun
or a mind that does not stop
my hard times are self distorted
i do not wish i was this way
no more is this sorrow paying off the way it had used to
art and responsibility do not go hand in hand
unless they are quarreling with one another
i hope i can find a way to make this work
until then i do not know who i am