broken bones
empty homes
mindless drones
reverberating tones
All Hail To The Metronome

these prescriptions
make me dizzy
keep me from dreaming
hinder my passion
they may calm the seas within me
but they darken the skies

Wake up
"Are you out of bed yet?"
Yes
"Did you take your medication?"
Yes
I'm watched with worrisome eyes every hour
every day
I haven't considered killing myself in months
I still don't
The price to pay is becoming the peg shaped to fit society
Society
Society says go to work
go shopping
go home
stay at home, everything will be fine
put your children on suicide watch if they act odd
I never meant to make anyone worried
All I wanted was to be happy
to have fun
to explore
to live

We're carrying a box together down a long, non-descript hallway. how did we get here? seems like a dream but now i can remember the beginning. It was by chance, we were both looking for someone to help us with this box. this box. It's heavy but I don't mind sharing the weight with you. After some time we decide to see what it holds within it. we open it, slowly. Carefully. water begins to to drip out of the box slowly at first, then uncontrollably. It's running out the top, pouring onto the ground as we continue to carry it. the waters level is at my shins now. It is warm and comforting to know it's there. we begin to hurry as I glance over at you. We begin to smile. Perpetually.

anchored

let me crash in the sea, not the harbor.
let me feel the waves swarm and smother me.
feel totally alone, nearly capsizing, almost lose hope.
so i may feel pride if i shall happen to live.
dont allow me to die slowly, gaining rust like the others.
so many others have failed yet never truly finished.
the tides will be my company, the winds my music, and my anchor our false hope.

lucid

turning over in my bed, i never did look at the clock. time right now is present but not on the forefront of my mind like it usually is. conversation takes place, but it is not important. knowingly i reach into the top draw and grab a pair of tattered jeans i haven't seen in years, i cannot see into this drawer but as soon as my fingers brush the cotton i know what exactly they look like. next i am wearing them, scissors in hand. i manage to perforate them without stabbing myself and cut them off above the knees. perfect. stabbing myself however never came to mind. nor did pain. am i feeling right now? why is there no noise upstairs? whatever. i go upstairs. deserted. into the kitchen. likewise. turning around i see the recently exited living room is filled with people and quite warm with the company. think nothing of it. i walk through and just stand there. stand. my legs. i dont feel them. oh. there they are. those occupying this space are just company and thats all they are. books without titles or words on the pages. no one acknowledges my presence but continues, looping in the same mindless activity. just watching television. was the tv over on that side of the room earlier? yeah. must have been. we move furniture around all the time. keeps the house free of excess dust i guess. think nothing of it. nothing.
nothing.
nothing.
"you have terrific eyebrows." anne says to me
anne and i are in my truck driving in a local neighborhood to my house from. well. im not certain.
"thanks doll, you're too nice to me."
"its hard not to be" she replies
i lean over in the truck.. hold on, truck?
i lean over in the truck and kiss anne while driving, nearly hitting a car.
makes me think of something Einstein once said. something about if you can kiss a pretty girl while driving safely youre not giving that kiss the attention it deserves.
anyway.we laugh as the folks look amused at our attempted automobile smooch/near wreck. and we look at each other and go for another. shortening the distance between us. eyes leaving the road. wait. how can this be? anne is still at her parents house, right? did she come down early? when did she get here?
i awake.